No more thinly veiled excuses

I want to write what I want, when I want. Only when inspiration hits will I attempt to lay out my genius before the masses in a way that can be read and, although not quite understood, grasped on some level.

That ain't gonna fly anymore.

I am completely over this whole school situation- the world of academia is positively stifling to my flighty spirit. The audience that I aspire to reach does not sit hung over in a classroom at an overbearingly liberal university. I would like to write for people who have realized that the organ in their head is yes, a brain, and have attempted to use that somewhat developed frontal lobe until it becomes fully functional. Now, though, I must work solely for the five professors I have, because they are the ones that will critique my work with a heavily wielded red pen. Neither do I want to write for bitter, under-paid people who saw their dreams fall by the wayside because they did not have the passion to fuel them.

As I grow older and become more independent, the weight is beginning to drag me down. Throwing a tempter tantrum because I'm not being treated like an adult will not help matters whatsoever, especially considering that I am completely unequipped to take on enough responsibilities to actually deserve that respect. I do not desire to return to the childish ways of my past, and I do want to grow, but it seems as if all sides of the arena are demanding that I give them my attention- and I can't.

Today I realized that the path my life has taken, through no choice of my own, has required that I pick up new information that I would have never deemed important on my own. Not that I'm downplaying the necessities of being well-rounded, for being able to insert random trivia at times has the potential to bring about amusing awkwardness. I'm simply a little chagrined at the timing. My senior year of college, of all things! Can't I catch a break? But really, if given the option to schedule and map out our lives, would we ever be truly satisfied? I think it is better this way, to have no control or to give up the small bits of control that we do have, so that life will keep us alive. I would have chosen a very safe path thinking that it would have been my security- not realizing that it would lull me into a comatose state.

Maybe I'm trying to say that I'm not really that discontent with how things are going. It is taking a different direction, certainly, but it is remaining interesting. The main drawback is trying to find time to watch all of my TV shows.